With supreme logistical forethought, the mighty Oxford 4th team converged on Mentmore CC from several different directions, thereby avoiding being caught up in unexpected altercations with trains, to the extent that Ben P was held back until the last moment, this last moment being 20 minutes into the match.

Skipper Ed won the toss and pondered over whether to adhere to the well-known dictum, now emblazoned deeply into the Oxford CC psyche by Ross, of always fielding first, due to being a Ben P short. After conferring with his senior pros and dreading an appearance before the committee for insubordination by not fielding first, the skipper led his team onto the field after the now customary yoga and mindfulness session run by Silver Smith.

The opening bowlers were truly representative of the makeup of the side, the promising and talented Patrick Smith partnering the ageless guile of Matt Todd, a dovetail of promise and experience in a team containing no one aged between 20 and 50. Patrick held his nerve and kept a straight line to the LM opener who did not possess a straight bat shot in his repertoire, to have him bowled after a couple of slogged shots for four.

This paved the way for the LM village blacksmith to come to the wicket and subject the Cherwell League to what they have been missing these last few years, with an even greater catalogue of slogging off middle stump. After a few good thumps into the adjoining greenery, the blacksmith was undone by a straight ball through the gate. Toddie followed this up by having their captain caught in the covers after some juggling by Ben P and followed that up by accounting for their number 4, once again bowled through the gate.

The game now entered an extraordinary phase, where Long Marston set their stall out for a draw, even indicating that they would take drinks at 21 overs, signifying they would minimise our chances of victory by a whole 4 overs! It was very difficult to ascertain which was the most bizarre, the current Test match oscillations or Long Marston’s determination not to score a run. The usually profligate Roger Young got slapped for a measly 16 runs from his nine overs and this prompted Ed to bring himself on to bring down his season’s RPO.

This proved to be a shrewd move, with Ed leaking only 9 runs from 7 overs, though 8 of these were wides. However, the field was not straining at this point, having been lulled into a soporific state by the tedium of the batting. The last pair were unbeaten at the end of their 42 overs, acquiring a scrappy 50 partnership from the last 16 overs.

Unfortunately this soporific mood carried over into the Oxford batting, though Silver Smith played a brief but sparkling innings which incorporated a premeditated but majestically timed 6. Ben P played a hockey shot and fell LBW, followed by the Silver one, falling LBW to a leg side swish. A few more injudicious shots, mostly from the youth element, but including a nothing shot from a senior player who shall remain nameless, though he is occasionally known as Big Jim, plunged the Romans from 69-3 to 105-7, at which point Oxford skipper Ed could be heard humming the theme tune to the Great Escape.

But talking of tunes, never mind Maurice Chevalier, thank heavens for Steve Cootes! Solid, nerveless, accomplished and all the rest of the superlatives, the most senior member of the side steered us home with an adept 68 red inker.
The result was never in doubt, or was it? Time to take the strain chaps!